Wikipedia:Peer review/Silent Parade/archive1

Silent Parade

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I've listed this article for peer review because I'm planning on nominating it for Feature Article status, and I'd like an independent review before doing that. I'd appreciate any comments on prose quality & MOS compliance.

Thanks, Noleander (talk) 01:17, 18 April 2025 (UTC)

Tarlby

Heyo. I'll just be skimming the prose. Note that I'm not experienced with FAC.

• Link "discrimination and violence faced by African Americans" in the lead to Racism against African Americans.
• You can also link Anti-lynching movement in the lead. Maybe with "to enact anti-lynching legislation". [I dunno, links are discouraged in the Lead, except for major topics. Noleander (talk) 18:25, 21 April 2025 (UTC)]
• Lynchings is linked in the lead but not in Background. Consider doing so.
• "...in the 1830s and continued until 1981." ---> "...in the 1830s and continued until 1981 with the lynching of Michael Donald." MOS:EGG (the period was also linked). [Done (period). Noleander (talk) 18:25, 21 April 2025 (UTC)]
• "...lynching was one of many forms of racism inflicted on African Americans." ---> "...lynching was one of many forms of racism inflicted on African Americans." Like the lead. [Done. Noleander (talk) 01:16, 22 April 2025 (UTC)]
• I believe the NAACP should be unabbreviated and introduced in Background like the lead again.
• Moreso personal preference, but I think efn A should say "This photograph" rather than "The photograph". [Done. Noleander (talk) 01:16, 22 April 2025 (UTC)]
• "...the United States declared war on Germany and joined the allied powers in World War I." ---> "...the United States declared war on the German Empire and joined the Allied Powers of World War I" [Done. Noleander (talk) 01:16, 22 April 2025 (UTC)]
• "Unlike the anti-war parade of 1914 and the red cross parade of 1917..." Know any links?
• "Men, women and children alike were invited..." Missing an Oxford comma.
• "During the week before the parade, major newspapers in several states published articles announcing the parade." ---> "During the week before the parade, major newspapers in several states published articles announcing it."
• "...prepared a flyer which was distributed before the parade as an invitation, and during the parade to bystanders." ---> "...prepared a flyer which was distributed before and during the parade as an invitation to bystanders."
• 57th street, Fifth Avenue, and Madison Square are linked in "The parade" but not the lead.
• "People of all races looked on from both sides of Fifth Avenue. The New York Age estimated that 15,000 African Americans watched the parade." ---> "People of all races looked on from both sides of Fifth Avenue, including an estimated 15,000 African Americans according to The New York Age."
• "...white people stopped to listen to African Americans explain the reasons for the march and other white bystanders expressed support..." ---> "...white people stopped to speak to the marchers as other white bystanders expressed support..."
• Unlink World War I per my suggestion earlier
• Jim Crow is linked again.
• "In July 1918 Wilson issued a..." Comma.
• "In 2022, 67 years after the murder of Emmett Till, and after the end of the lynching era, the United States Congress passed the Emmett Till Antilynching Act..." Personal preference, but I'd mention that it was the 117th Congress.
• "The report urged the U.S. congress to take action. The report identified..." ---> "The report urged the U.S. congress to take action and identified..."
• Unlink lynched in "Red Summer".

Good luck with getting that brown star. History like this needs it.

Consider reviewing my own peer review for FAC! Tarlby ^{(t) (c)} 04:52, 21 April 2025 (UTC)

@Tarlby - Thanks so much for taking the time to make these suggestions. I'll process these comments soon! Noleander (talk) 14:35, 21 April 2025 (UTC)

@Tarlby - Thanks again. I've finished implementing most of your suggestions. I skipped a couple suggestions you made to add links into the Lead, per MOS:LEADLINK ... which asks editors be careful with links in the Lead, otherwise the Lead could end up being 80% blue. Noleander (talk) 01:44, 22 April 2025 (UTC)

Phlsph7

Hello Noleander, happy to have a look at this nomination. I'm not very familiar with the topic so I'll focus on prose and other FA-relevant aspects.

WP:EARWIG finds a few potential copyvios with the websites https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/negro-silent-protest-parade-1917-anthony-houston-open-networker- (see [1]) and https://www.thecenterforruleoflaw.org/rule-of-law-blog/category/civil-rights-movement (see [2]). In some cases they are just unproblematic stock phrases and quotes, but not all of them. You could check whether the sentences appeared first on Wikipedia to evaluate who copied from whom or simply reformulate the problematic parts.

A few other other observations:

• African Americans soldiers of replace "Americans" with "American"
• worked with a group of influential community leaders at the St. Philip's Church in New York I think there should be no "the" before "St. Philip's Church in"
• the red cross parade of 1917 uppercase for "red cross"?
• African American boy scouts handed out flyer uppercase for "boy scout"?
• In 1968, the Civil Rights Act of 1968 created defined new federal crimes for violent acts based on the race of the victim. this sentence has two verbs: "created defined"
• the one hundredth anniversary should it be "one-hundredth"?
• in New York on the evening on July 28, 2017 I think it should be "evening of"
• country.... remove one period
• Lynchings were widespread extrajudicial killings which began in the United States' pre–Civil War South I think this is a restrictive relative clause, so it should have "that" instead of "which"
  • members of a mob which conspired to injure a victim. Same here. Use "who" in case the pronoun is supposed to refer to the members.
• violence faced by African Americans; especially the recent I think this should be a comma since the following clause lacks a verb.
• marshalls replace with "marshals"
• The march began at 57th Street , and remove the space before the comma
• according to The New York Age." unnecessary quotation mark at the end
• them to due another appointment. replace "to due" with "due to"
• During the summer 1919 add "of" after "summer"
• for a prearranged appointment with the Wilson. remove "the" before "Wilson"
• In the citations section, you mix shortened footnote style with full citations. For consistency, it would probably be better to stick to one style. I have seen mixing in other FA nominations as well, so I'm not sure how central that is.
• I note that some commas are not where I would expect them to be. I remember we had an earlier conversation on this topic and I think it was not an obstacle for the nomination back then.

Phlsph7 (talk) 09:20, 23 April 2025 (UTC)

@Phlsph7 Thanks for the excellent feedback. I've corrected all of the issues (except cite format). I need to start using some kind of grammar checking tool :-) Regarding cite format: I arrived at this approach after balancing three goals (1) consistency of cite format; (2) minimizing # of clicks reader's must perform to reach the detailed cite info; and (3) limiting "Sources" section to include only major/significant sources (i.e. leave trivial/minor sources in the "Citations" section). After balancing all those goals, I arrived at this approach, which successfully passed FA in my prior FA article Margaret Sanger. I admire the elegance of the "100% short cite" layout seen in Value theory and many other FA articles, but it drives me crazy to have to click twice to reach the cite details (especially for sources that are cited only once). Noleander (talk) 14:36, 23 April 2025 (UTC)