Wikipedia:Peer review/Senior assassin/archive1

Senior assassin

I've listed this article for peer review because I am happy with the sources of the article, but want to know if it reads well to someone other than myself, especially as these games are due to start up soon. Cheers! Johnson524 18:36, 17 February 2025 (UTC)

@Johnson524: Hi, I'll take a look! ‍Relativity ⚡️ 19:59, 11 April 2025 (UTC)

Comments

• "Games are not sanctioned by the school or police, and are not allowed to take place on private property"—none of the sources explicitly state that the game is not allowed to take place on private property. One of the sources supporting that claim states that police encourage the game not to take place on private property, but doesn't explicitly forbid it.
• "but the main objectives underlined above remain the same"— In this sentence, "outlined' is preferable to "underlined"
• "employ multiple ambush tactics: most often including waiting for a target to leave for work or go to their car, hiding in bushes outside of a target's house, and/or making deals with siblings or friends to be let into a target's house."— I would reword this to "employ multiple ambush tactics, which possibly include: waiting for a target to leave for work or go to their car, hiding in bushes outside of a target's house, and/or making deals with siblings or friends to be let into a target's house." This way it clarifies that waiting for a target to leave for work or go to their car is not the main method, and it's more in line with the source, which doesn't explicitly state that these are the principal methods.
• "often more dangerous ambush tactics: including chasing after targets" ——> "often more dangerous ambush tactics, including: chasing after targets"
• "individual students competing for the jackpot: groups of two students" — change colon to comma
• "these versions of the game also often use a 'bounty board' or 'hit list'" — link to Bounty (reward) and Contract killing, respectively.
• "get in to" ——> "get into"
• There is an inconsistency regarding double quotation marks (" ") and single quotation marks (' '). For example, the article has controversies revolve around the game's name using the word "assassin" and sounding 'tone deaf' in wake, avoid the 'purge', a 'bounty board' or 'hit list', etc. Try to pick one style and stick with it.
• "are likewise recommended to minimize risks" ——> add "were likewise recommended by the police to minimize risk" to sound less WP:HOWTO-y

Overall, I think the article is written very clearly. My only comments were pretty nit-picky things, and I comprehended everything completely. You only requested a prose check, but if you want me to take a look at anything else, let me know and I'd be happy to. Great job with this article! ‍Relativity ⚡️ 20:24, 11 April 2025 (UTC)