Talk:ToNiePokój escape room fire/GA1

GA review

Unsuccessful. Actuall7 (talk) 04:21, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Grumpylawnchair (talk · contribs) 01:38, 10 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Actuall7 (talk · contribs) 08:11, 24 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I'd like to review this article, expect my review soon. Would like to say in advance that I don't speak Polish and will use machine translation for the sources. Actuall7 (talk) 08:11, 24 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Initial checks

Earwig gives 6.5%.
No recent edit warring.

Lead

The lead feels a bit short, at just above 50 words, I feel like it could be extended a bit more. More details on the trial and aftermath could be added. Done
I would recommend basing it off of 2008 Georgia Imperial Sugar refinery explosion and 2016 Fort McMurray wildfire, two GAs about fires.

Fire

This article lacks a background on the escape room or of the incident, I would suggest adding it in this section.

Isn't there Previous visitors had found the escape room to be in poor condition, complaining about a strong smell of gas. Jarosław Szymczyk, Commander-in-Chief of Police, stated that local officials were not made aware of complaints against the escape room.? It basically was a pop-up facility, so there's not much else that I could find.

While there are parts of the background on the facility throughout the fire section, I meant adding a background section before the incident, such as in 2008 Georgia Imperial Sugar refinery explosion where there is background on the refinery. But if there is no info on ToNiePokój, then I understand if a background cannot be added. But is there no details on things such as date the escape room was established or the owners? Actuall7 (talk) 03:11, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

There aren't except for the owner info. This was very off-grid and unregulated at the time. Grumpylawnchair (talk) 03:34, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Add the 4 January 2019 date in the lead to the Fire section. Done
This section in general is made up of a lot of short sentences. Most of these could be merged together. Done
- Example: On 4 January 2019, at approximately 5:15 p.m., a fire broke out in one of the two rooms of the escape room ToNiePokój at 88 Piłsudskiego street. Five 15-year-old girls – Amelia Wieczorek, Małgorzata Tymieniecka, Julia Pawlak, Karolina Barabas, and Wiktoria Pietras – were in the escape room at the time. They were all students of class III d of Junior High School No. 9 (currently Primary School No. 18) in Koszalin and were all close friends, being there to celebrate Julia's birthday.
What is the difference between leaking gas cylinders and a live fire? Did the leaking gas cylinders not create a live fire? Done
According to the victims' parents, an experiment with a gas cylinder returned results that were completely different than what was present at the site of the fire -> This sentence is very vague, could you possibly explain this further? Done The source itself doesn't go into much detail, so the improvements are the best I got.
The victims had no escape route. -> This is quite obvious to the readers, so I don't think its worth mentioning. Done Removed
and they requested assistance. -> and that they requested assistance. Done
At about 5:14:30 P.M. -> If she called her father at 5:14, why is the fire said to have started at approximately 5:15?

I'm assuming Gazeta Wyborcza rounded up? I can't find a source for the exact time of the fire, so should I remove it?

It's fine, the 5:15 time can be used.

'Dad, fire!' -> "Dad, fire!" Done
For future mentions of Radosław D., he can just be mentioned as Radosław. Done
I'm assuming Radosław is the one non-fatal injury, if so, there should be details on how he injured himself.

Will add onto this later. For now, the main issue is a lack of background on the incident and the prose. Actuall7 (talk) 10:58, 24 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Trial

Małgorzata W. and Beata W. -> second mention of them Małgorzata and Beata
Use the To USD template to show how the 200,000zł could be seen as low to people unfamiliar with Polish złoty.

Oh no, its only about 50k USD, so even lower than you expected.

he assumed that they were dead too quickly -> this wording is strange, why not just say he assumed that they were already dead?
The trial section actually includes a lot of information that could be used in a background. In fact, it is strange that most of this background info is only being mentioned now, like the fact that there was a walkie-talkie and that Miłosz cut corners in regards to the safety of the escape room. There could even be further details on the construction of the escape room and how he "cut corners" along with info about the owners and the insufficient health and safety training.

Aftermath

Duda described the incident as a "crushing tragedy" on Twitter. -> previous wording makes it sound like the incident affected Twitter: Duda described the incident on Twitter as a "crushing tragedy".
Due to the tragedy, the Polish premiere of the film Escape Room was postponed and eventually canceled. -> don't really see the point of making this short sentence standalone.
Joachim Brudziński signed an amendment to the regulation on fire protection of buildings which introduced regulations specifying fire protection issues regarding evacuation in facilities where entertainment business activities are conducted. -> reword this lengthy sentence: Brudziński signed an amendment on the regulation of fire protection of buildings, specifically regarding the evaluation of fire protection in entertainment businesses.
the practical checking of the organization of people's evacuation -> what is organization of people's evacuation?

Will do a source review next, but I am debating failing this GAN. I feel that this article misses important information and has poor prose, which I understand that part of this article is translated from the Polish Wikipedia, so that is to be expected. Do you think you'll be able to solve all these problems? Actuall7 (talk) 03:11, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I think I can manage to fix this in a few days. Grumpylawnchair (talk) 03:31, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

You know what, just fail the nom. I think I need a lot more than that. Thanks for your time. Sincerely, Grumpylawnchair (talk) 03:45, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

I see, good luck on this article and I hope it reaches GA status in the future. Actuall7 (talk) 04:21, 25 March 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.