Talk:Moira Deeming/GA2

GA review

Pass —LastJabberwocky (Rrarr) 08:06, 13 July 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: TarnishedPath (talk · contribs) 12:43, 24 November 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: LastJabberwocky (talk · contribs) 11:34, 12 July 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Hi, you already did majority of the work; I will probably have a couple of soft suggestions on prose and check whether the subject had any news since your previous nominations. —LastJabberwocky (Rrarr) 11:34, 12 July 2025 (UTC)[reply]

@LastJabberwocky, there has been a substantial amount of news since the last nomination. Mostly to do with Deeming winning her defamation action against John Pesutto. I believe I've kept the article up to date with all that. Please let me know if you think there has been anything that I missed. TarnishedPath^talk 12:23, 12 July 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The article is up to date; I found only coverage related to Jordan Peterson's conference, which she in the end didn't attend so it doesn't seem to be important. I performed the rest of the edits myself :), mostly simplification and flow tweaks. I will also remove citation from the lead per WP:CITELEAD to cover all the bases. Then promoting! —LastJabberwocky (Rrarr) 08:01, 13 July 2025 (UTC)[reply]

Copyright

All green Y

Prose

I notice the previous didn't particularly liked short sentences. I also prefer, but with a caveat that I think "short vs long sentence" is a stylistic difference; longer aren't necessary better. So I singled out some sentences for you to with my versions of these sentences, and chose which one is better for the article.

Deeming identifies as Māori. She is a Presbyterian, although she attended the Catholic high school St. Francis Xavier College.Deeming has a Bachelor of International Relations from La Trobe University and a Post-Graduate Diploma of Education from the University of Melbourne --> Deeming identifies as Māori and a Presbyterian. She attended the Catholic high school St. Francis Xavier College, and received Bachelor of International Relations from La Trobe University and a Post-Graduate Diploma of Education from the University of Melbourne.
Deeming stood as a candidate for the Liberal Party in the lower house for the seat of St Albans at the 2014 Victorian state election. She secured 26.9% of the vote, losing to the Labor Party's Natalie Suleyman. --> During the 2014 Victorian state election, Deeming stood as a candidate for the Liberal Party for the seat of St Albans in the lower house. She secured 26.9% of the vote, losing to the Labor Party's Natalie Suleyman.

@LastJabberwocky, your suggestions read better so I've made those changes. Thankyou for your time undertaking this review. I'll check in tomorrow to see what further guidance you give. TarnishedPath^talk 12:17, 12 July 2025 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.