Talk:Andrew Artiaga/GA1
GA review
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Nominator: Johnson524 (talk · contribs) 08:15, 26 March 2025 (UTC)
Reviewer: Kusma (talk · contribs) 15:33, 12 April 2025 (UTC)
Will take this one. —Kusma (talk) 15:33, 12 April 2025 (UTC)
Content and prose review
[edit]I will comment on anything I notice, but not all of my comments will be strictly related to the GA criteria, so not everything needs to be actioned. Feel free to push back if you think I am asking too much, and please tell me when I am wrong.
- Lead: The high score doesn't seem to be part of "beating the game", so perhaps it should be in a separate sentence
- "became the third player to "beat the game" by triggering a game crash on January 4, 2024" not sure this is important enough to be mentioned twice in the lead; certainly the date does not need to be mentioned twice.
- What is "DAS Masters"?
- Not a fan of the many participial phrases. Beware of dangling modifiers. (This is an issue throughout).
- Personal life: " as well as practiced " grammar seems off. Better "He also practiced"
- Tetris career:
At 15 and 13-years-old respectively
I think it should just be "13 years old" here. After beating fellow competitor Nenu Kariko, Andrew made it to the final round with his brother, Michael, where they competed against each other in the same house due to COVID-19 restrictions
Did Michael also beat Nenu Kariko? (Why is it "with his brother" instead of "against his brother"?) "Where" relates to the round, I guess, but is then followed by a description of the location. It is a bit confusing what this has to do with COVID.but celebrated the achievement with him by giving him a high five
wouldn't we expect competing brothers to celebrate in this way? The high five seems trivia.all within a monthly competition in May
all in the same competition? You use "within" again in the following sentence.Artiaga placed sixth in his qualifying seed but lost in the quarterfinals
Is "sixth" so good that we expect him to do better than quarterfinals overall?Shortly afterward on January 11,
comma after afterward?From June 8–9
to when? Do not use dashes with "from" (see MOS:RANGE).- Playing style: I don't play speed tetris, but I don't think "rolling the back of the controller" is a good description of what happens without some hint that "roll" is as in "drumroll" or something like that. The main point seems to be that people don't press the direction buttons with their thumb, but hit the back of the controller to move it into the thumb instead?
- Competitive record: An intro sentence would be nice, and maybe an explanation of what "score" means or what "DAS Masters" means -- do players there have to use the DAS technique or can they play any way they like?
- Footnote a: I think you can drop the "While no exact date is given". The explanation for the age is that we know he was 15 on a specific date.
First pass done! I will look at sources and comment on the GA criteria tomorrow. —Kusma (talk) 20:44, 12 April 2025 (UTC)
Source spotchecks
[edit]Numbering from Special:PermanentLink/1282419263
- 1: a,b ok.
- 1c does not seem to have "dogplayingtetris", only "Dog". I also see "Pixel Andy", not "P1xelAndy". I can't see the famiclones? (They seem to be in the Guardian article).
- 1d: ok. 1e: I can't see any mention of Artiaga hypertapping either here or in 15.
- 2d: ok
- 2e: As I understand it, Andy did not get the highest losing score, but he won the game that featured the highest losing score.
- 2f: ok, but they do explain rolling by drumming your fingers, which makes clear it is not about quickly rotating the controller or something like that.
- 3abcd: ok
- 3e: the version of the article that I can access says "He taught them about coding when they were still in elementary school [...] They also liked playing Tetris on their dad's original Nintendo Game Boy." so there is nothing about the NES during elementary school and it was dad who owned the Game Boy.
- 3k: ok
- 4a,b: fine; there is actually more here that you can use to fix some of the issues above.
- 5: ok
- 6: ok
- 7: look ok
- 8: could not access
- 9a,b: ok
- 10: ok. This one actually has "P1xelAndy".
- 11: fine.
- 12 through 14: these are all primary sources? Is there no secondary source for this?
- Game stats look fine.
Main issue is that there are a few things not in the sources given (but they are in other sources). —Kusma (talk) 09:13, 13 April 2025 (UTC)
General comments and GA criteria
[edit]- Prose: Some suggestions for improvement above.
- No major MoS issues, but see suggestions for lead section above.
- Source formatting is fine, and sources are reliable (but it would be nicer to use secondary sources).
- No original research, but the correct sources need to be cited (see above)
- No copyvio/paraphrasing issues detected.
- Do we know anything about his current life? Is he a student? (If no RS reports on that it is fine not to mention, please don't dig up any personal Facebook pages or something like that).
- DAS Masters isn't introduced or explained, just listed in lead and table.
- No undue over-focus (except perhaps in the stats table, but that is ok)
- No issues with neutrality or stability.
- Images are correctly licensed, relevant to the article, and captions are fine. You could consider crediting the photographer in the caption, but I think you don't have to.
Overall not a huge amount to do, but some copyedits and a bit of careful checking which sources support which content will help make this better. I had fun learning about speed Tetris! Will put on hold while you fix the small issues. —Kusma (talk) 10:08, 13 April 2025 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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