Draft:Grifferson Carowitz
Grifferson Carowitz | |
|---|---|
 Grifferson Carowitz (2025) in front of his private jet. | |
| Born | Unknown |
| Nationality | American (presumed) |
| Occupation(s) | Social media personality, lifestyle influencer |
| Known for | @mybevhillslyfe Instagram account |
| Relatives | Dustin Hoffman (alleged cousin), Richard Hoffman (author of this article) |
Grifferson Carowitz is a Los Angeles-based social media personality, content creator, Dodgers ultra-fan, and lifestyle influencer best known for their Instagram presence under the handle @mybevhillslyfe. Known for showcasing a blend of luxury lifestyle, fashion, humor, and personal musings, Carowitz has built a dedicated following through a distinctive online persona centered around the affluent culture of Beverly Hills.
Origins and lineage
[edit]According to Richard Hoffman, estranged cousin of actor Dustin Hoffman and the alleged author of this article, Carowitz is the son of Dustin’s unnamed cousin. While the Hoffman family connection remains unverified, the lore surrounding Carowitz's lineage has only deepened his mystique.
A dramatic falling-out between Griff and Dustin at Dan Tana’s restaurant over the optimal driving route from St. Louis to Dallas reportedly spiraled into an argument about the geographical plausibility of The Graduate—culminating in both Hoffmans being banned from the establishment for life. Several newspaper editors were allegedly bribed to keep the incident from the front page.
While Grifferson Carowitz's direct lineage remains cloaked in confusion and strategically ambiguous documentation, multiple unverified sources have linked him to a loose constellation of men named Robert. These include:
- Robert Duvall – According to a widely-circulated theory from a defunct fan Tumblr, Duvall is either Grifferson’s godfather, ex–private acting coach, or "third cousin twice-removed by an Argentine polo scandal." Carowitz has neither confirmed nor denied this, once replying only with a wink emoji and a photo of a saddle.
- Robert Downey Jr. – Some believe Grifferson and Downey Jr. are distant cousins through an alleged shared great-aunt known only as "Hollywood Roxy," a 1940s stunt double and card sharp. Grifferson once tagged Downey Jr. in a story captioned: “DNA is a suggestion 💅🏼🧬.”
- Julia Roberts – Not a Robert, but adjacent. A Reddit AMA claimed Grifferson was “banned from a holiday dinner at Julia’s house in 2017 after an emotionally heated game of Celebrity Taboo.” This claim has yet to be verified.
Despite these Hollywood-adjacent ties, Carowitz’s true origin remains unclear. Popular rumors include:
- He has existed since the beginning of time.
- He is an escaped Saudi prince (though "a little too Jewish" for this to be confirmed).
- He was conjured from stardust during a silent disco in Laurel Canyon.
Career
[edit]Grifferson Carowitz’s Instagram presence is less “influencer” and more avant-garde digital performance. Often dressed in designer couture, Griff documents their version of Beverly Hills high society, layering earnest luxury with subtle satire. Followers describe the account as "if Andy Warhol had run a fashion blog during Mercury retrograde."
Collaborations with boutique fashion brands, cryptic appearances in celebrity circles, and mythic storytelling through Instagram captions have earned Carowitz a niche cult following—especially among fashion kids, late-night comedians, and the deeply online.
Dodgers fandom
[edit]Carowitz is best known—aside from his Instagram presence—for his **unwavering devotion to the Los Angeles Dodgers**. He is rumored to attend every single home and away game, including international exhibition matches in Japan and South Korea.
He once allegedly paid $87,000 to attend a rained-out spring training game, "just in case morale needed him."
Controversies
[edit]Beverly Hills Parking Scandal (2022)
[edit]Carowitz was allegedly involved in a citywide parking citation conspiracy after local authorities discovered a mysterious exemption code embedded in Beverly Hills meter software, colloquially referred to as “Code G.” Though no formal charges were ever brought, multiple sources confirmed seeing Carowitz exit a Rolls-Royce Phantom parked in a red zone for 72 hours straight—without a single ticket. When asked about the accusations, Carowitz simply replied, “Gravity doesn't apply to icons.”
The Erewhon Caviar Incident (2023)
[edit]During a pop-up tasting event at Erewhon Market, Grifferson was spotted “accidentally” pouring Beluga caviar into a Vitamix blender alongside goji berries and raw camel milk. The resulting smoothie, priced at $89.99, sold out within 15 minutes. Erewhon later denied any official collaboration, but did install a small velvet plaque reading: “In honor of the chaos.”
Banned from Burning Man (unconfirmed)
[edit]While never officially confirmed, it is widely rumored that Carowitz was politely banned from returning to Burning Man after 2019, when their “conceptual art camp” consisted of a single white leather recliner, a continuously looping live reading of Atlas Shrugged, and a gas-powered Ferris wheel labeled “Late Stage Capitalism.”
Known associates
[edit]- Baby Vanessa: A 4'11" heiress and performance DJ known for her one-song sets (“just vibes”) and rumored to be Grifferson’s muse, life coach, or possibly niece.
- Clint With Two T’s: A stylist, whisperer, and former philosophy major who lives rent-free in a Nobu Malibu supply closet. Often seen holding Grifferson’s handbag during fits of emotional expression.
- Patricia the Pomeranian: A beloved teacup dog who allegedly has her own publicist. Often mistaken for a scarf. Also banned from The Grove.
Quotes
[edit]- “There’z rich, there’z wealthy, & then there’z UNtr@ceable 💸”
- “If Gawd didn’t want me 2 b adored, He shudnt have made me ✨m@gn3tic✨”
- “i 1nce cri3d in a B3ntley. it wuz st@g3d… but the s@dnezz wuz re@l 💔”
- “Dodgerz = religi0n. DavE r0b3rtz = my Em0ti0n@l SupPOrt fig 🤍⚾️”